Vedic advice for the single ladies

Through holy disciplehood the maiden obtains a young husband... 

- Atharva Veda 11.5.18

A while back I wrote a piece on Love Jihad vs Love Yuddah where I called upon Hindu men to become more masculine, like our ancient heroes, so that they could secure the affection of Hindu women and prevent them from leaving the fold in order to marry men of other faiths that they find more attractive and compelling.  Today I was speaking with a female friend of mine named Devi, and I have written this article for her; she told me she is looking for a husband, but she is also a strong Hindu women, devoted to the cause, and so she finds most Hindu men do not live up to her expectations.  This is a common problem with single Hindu women I know and speak with, their seems to be a dissatisfaction among politically minded Hindu women with their prospective mates, even though it is they who wish to find a truly Hindu husband more than anyone else. 

There are also cultural aspects which have been ingrained and still exist within the Indian diaspora, from everything I have been told women are to be submissive, they are not to think about their own wants, they should submit to almost any man their parents choose and her happiness seems not to be part of the equation.  Further still, Hindu women are discouraged from being aggressive in finding a mate, to think of marrying a lover of one's choice and heart is portrayed as reckless, selfish, western, and simply un-Hindu.  Thus I know many Hindu girls who are strong spiritually, but whom are romantically unhappy, and yes, even these dharmic women have a tendency to marry outside of the faith simply to find romance, masculinity, and compatible companionship.

But what do the Vedas teach us about women and marriage, women and love, women and husbands? From the opening Vedic hymn to this blog post, we can see that the Vedas state that women who are good disciples find young handsome husbands. There are two hymns from the Atharva Veda which are sung from women not only to find husbands, but husbands that are agreeable to them.  It is obvious from the text that a women is encouraged to see many suitors and that only the one that is most agreeable to her should take her hand in marriage.  There is also the stigma of being a spinster to deal with, as this status is used to frighten young Hindu women into marriage very early, but the Vedas speak of prayers offered to give spinsters husbands who have become weary of always attending other women's weddings. 

Charm to obtain a Husband  

1. May, O Agni, a suitor after our own heart come to us, may he come to this maiden with our fortune! May she, agreeable to suitors, charming at festivals, promptly obtain happiness through a husband! 2. Agreeable to Soma, agreeable to Brahma, arranged by Aryaman, with the unfailing certainty of god Dhâtar, do I bestow upon thee good fortune, the acquisition of a husband. 3. This woman shall obtain a hnsband, since king Soma makes her lovely! May she, begetting sons, become a queen; may she, going to her husband, shine in loveliness! 4. As this comfortable cave, O Maghavan (Indra), furnishing a safe abode, hath become pleasing to animals, thus may this woman be a favourite of fortune (Bhaga), beloved, not at odds with her husband! 5. Do thou ascend the full, inexhaustible ship of Bhaga (fortune); upon this bring, hither the suitor who shall be agreeable (to thee)! 6. Bring hither by thy shouts, O lord of wealth, the suitor, bend his mind towards her; turn thou the right side of every agreeable suitor towards (her)! 7. This gold and bdellium, this balsam, and Bhaga (fortune), too; these have prepared thee for husbands, that thou mayest obtain the one that is agreeable. 8. Hither to thee Savitar shall lead the husband that is agreeable! Do thou, O herb, bestow (him) upon her! - Atharva Veda 2.36 

Charm for obtaining a Husband

1. This Aryaman (wooer) with loosened crest of hair comes hither in front (of the procession), seeking a husband for this spinster, and a wife for this wifeless man. 2. This maid, O Aryaman, has wearied of going to the wedding-feasts of other women. Now shall, without fail, O Aryaman, other women go to her wedding-feast! 3. Dhâtar (the creator) supports (didhhra) this earth, Dhâtar supports the heavens, and the sun. May Dhatar furnish this spinster with a husband after her own heart). - Atharva Veda 6.60

The Vedas also extol elements of equality for women when it comes to marriage and finding a husband.  According to the Vedas, wives may cook for husbands, but husbands may also cook for wives. If a women's husband dies, she is encouraged to remarry.  Further, it is prayed that women will be called "true wives" by their husbands and wedded couples pray that they place one another in each other's hearts and become one of mind.  This is a far cry from today's unhappy arranged marriages which so many young Hindu women are trying to escape, especially in the West; and finding a Christian or Muslim man outside of the arranged marriage culture facilitates this desire. 

These bright women, (the waters), have come hither. Arise, thou woman, and gather strength! To thee, that art rendered by thy husband a true wife, (and) by thy children rich in offspring, the sacrifice has come: receive the (water-) vessel! - Atharva Veda 11.1.14 

 A woman may lose her husband to death. Such a woman may find a new husband and dedicate her love to the newlyfound mate. - Atharva Veda 9.5.27 

 Whatever the wife cooks aside from thee, (O husband), or the husband (cooks) unbeknown of thee, O wife, mix that together: to both of you it shall belong; bring it together into a single place! - Atharva Veda 7.3.39 

1. Sweet like honey be the messages we convey to each other with our glances. May we place each other in our hearts; and May our minds become one. - Atharva Veda 7.36

As for women being encouraged to be passive in matters of finding a husband, the Vedas make it clear that women are most definitely allowed to pursue a man with passion. There is a scripture in the Atharva Veda where a women has turned to using a narcotic plant in order to rid herself of rivals in pursuit of her husband to be, she wants him for her and her alone; this does not sound like typical modern Hindu culture where a women is asked to sit and wait for a man to choose her while he goes through all the women he likes. Indeed, this women calls her self superior to all the other women and she is overpowering, a strong women who bends her husband to be's mind upon her. More than this, we can also find love spells in the Vedas where women sing enchantments so that a man becomes intoxicated with love for them, asking the gods to make the man burn for her and her alone.  Thus we can see women are allowed to take every measure to seduce the right man, including turning to the gods for help. 

1. I dig up this plant, of herbs the most potent, by whose power rival women are overcome, and husbands are obtained. 2. O thou (plant) with erect leaves, lovely, do thou, urged on by the gods, full of might, drive away my rival, make my husband mine alone! 3. He did not, forsooth, call thy name, and thou shalt not delight in this' husband! To the very farthest distance do we drive our rival. 4. Superior am I, O superior (plant), superior, truly, to superior (women). Now shall my rival be inferior to those that are inferior! 5. I am overpowering, and thou, (O plant), art completely overpowering. Having both grown full of power, let us overpower my rival! 6. About thee (my husband) I have placed the overpowering (plant), upon thee placed the very overpowering one. May thy mind run after me as a calf after the cow, as water along its course! - Atharva Veda 3.18 

1. This yearning love comes from the Apsaras, the victorious, imbued with victory. Ye gods, send forth the yearning love: may yonder man burn after me! 2. My wish is, he shall long for me, devoted he shall long for me! Ye gods, send forth the yearning love: may yonder man burn after me! 3. That yonder man shall long for me, (but) I for him nevermore, ye gods, send forth the yearning love: may yonder man burn after me! 4. Do ye, O Maruts, intoxicate him (With love); do thou, O mid-air, intoxicate him; do thou, O Agni, intoxicate him! May yonder man burn after me! - Atharva Veda 6.120

So what is the Vedic advice for women.  Sometimes it can be hard to see, because seriously devout women have a hard time finding mates, but the Vedas say that it is devotion which brings a youthful and handsome husband, good things take time and effort.  Once a woman's time of devotion has reached its climax, it is asked that she be allowed to have many suitors and that she choose only the suitor who is agreeable to her and who loves her.  Equality of husband and wife is supported and women may remarry if necessary.  Finally, permission is given for a women to aggressively pursue a suitor whom she finds worthy, and so we can see the Vedas actually comply with the hearts of our daughters today.