What do the Vedas say about family?

”अयं बन्धुरयं नेति गणना लघुचेतसाम् | उदारचरितानां तु वसुधैव कुटुम्बकम् || ”ayaṁ bandhurayaṁ nēti gaṇanā laghucētasām | udāracaritānām tu vasudhaiva kuṭumbakam || 

Discrimination saying "this one is a relative; this other one is a stranger" is for the mean-minded. For those who're known as magnanimous, the entire world constitutes but a family. - Mahōpaniṣad- VI.70-73, book of Hindu astrology, 3000 BCE

In modern times, especially in post-industrialized nations, people have become cynical and jaded about family.  In popular culture, family is often depicted as awkward, boring, and a waste of time.  Indeed, many people these days find it troublesome to remain in contact with their own siblings, never mind their more distant relatives.  Taking the effort to stay in touch with family is often seen as a burden. The breakup of families and child abandonment have become so common place that these events are hardly viewed as tragedies but common occurrences. Worse than this, fanatical family limitation and the breaking of all bonds with relatives is often times touted as a form of “liberation” by many of today’s pop stars of modern philosophy. Always a promise of total freedom but never any talk about the consequences of leaving our family network behind. The idea of responsible parenthood has devolved into a vicious antinatalism and healthy independence has gone off to become a disdain for community; hating the very first unit that makes community possible, family.  Everyone today, even westerners themselves, criticize post-modern anti-family values in the west and notice their detrimental effect on society.  Less family has led to less social interaction for youths and less direct and stable contacts for the future.  Cultures that maintain their families always fare better in the end. These occurrences and the break down of family should not be all that surprising to us as Hindus, since it is said in scripture that during (or around) the time of Kali Yuga (age of ignorance) family ties will be weak and the ability to maintain one’s family will be viewed as a marvel.  Whether we are in, entering or exiting the age of Kali Yuga is up for debate, but we are certainly experiencing the breakdown of family which accompanies this age.

“He who can maintain a family will be regarded as an expert man…” -Sri Bhagavatam Purana  12.2.6

“By the time the age of Kali ends… family ties will extend no further than the immediate bonds of marriage.” - Sri Bhagavatam Purana 12.2.12-16

THE VEDAS PRAY FOR GOOD AND HAPPY FAMILIES 

What do Hindu scriptures say about family?  Family values tend to be important to people who are interested in religion, spirituality and society in general.  One of the greatest attracting points of modern Abrahamic faiths is their strong message about family. But what does Hinduism say about family and does it sound good to you? When we read the Veda we find that family is viewed as a good thing, something to be desired, something that makes our lives better and happier.  Having a family is like being "free of sickness" and having a prosperous long life.  It is not a command to love your family, it is a free expression of a loving desire to have a family.  In ideal conditions, Hinduism would want us to yearn for family as part of a happy life. 

"O Lord! Our Friend! May we, always happy, sound of sight, blessed with family, free of sickness,devoid of sin, worship Thee everyday. May we continue to witness the rising sun by being granted long life” – Rig Veda 10.37.7

The Vedas wish that once a couple decides to get married that they will create a stable family and that the couple will never part ways.  It hopes for us that our marriages last our entire lives and that we remain happy together and enjoy our children and grandchildren together.  It is a desire for our joy that the Vedas ask, happiness in marriage. As opposed to Abrahamic faiths, it is assumed in Hinduism that we want what is good, and so united marriage is incited, non mandated. 

“O newly married couple! May you make a stable family, never to separate. Enjoy the full span of life, happy, sporting with children and grandchildren.” – Rig Veda 10.85.42

In the epic Mahabarata, a hero is given a blessing of 8 wishes from the goddess for his righteousness.  Half of his wishes surround have good family relations: grace of his father, a hundred sons, love for his family, and the grace of his mother.  Not only does he want a large and united family, but he wants to have love for them as well.  Family should be so desirable that we would want more of it, not less. This is the higher level of society which Vedas call us to. 

“'The puissant Mahadeva has granted thee, O sinless one, a son who shall be named Samva. Do thou take from me also eight boons which thou choosest. I shall certainly grant them to thee.--Bowing unto her with a bend of my head, I said unto her, O son of Pandu,--I solicit from thee non-anger against the Brahmanas, grace of my father, a hundred sons, the highest enjoyments, love for my family, the grace of my mother, the attainment of tranquillity and peace, and cleverness in every act!'” - The Mahabharata, Book 13: Anusasana Parva: Anusasanika Parva: Section XV

And those who are devoted to the eternal religion and the essence of Hinduism, they will be rewarded with large amounts of offspring and their family line will be never ending.  Those who worship what is truth and eternal will follow eternity, their people will always be with the giving power of life. Hinduism does not ask us to shrivel up in the face of life's adversities but to carry on and continue the cycle of life forever, of course this is a pleasure when eternity is fully realized. 

“Thy family and race and kinsmen shall be exhaustless. O foremost of regenerate ones, thy devotion to me shalt be eternal.” - The Mahabharata, Book 13: Anusasana Parva: Anusasanika Parva: Section XIV

THE BREAK DOWN OF FAMILY

The Vedas have a message for us about family, sin and the gods.  In the Rig Veda (Griffith Version) we find loyal "Hindus" asking the gods to forgive them for their sins against their family, for this is actually a sin against the Devas themselves.  The family is viewed as sacred and something worthy of respect and devotion.  Like a god, the family is a higher power than the self and should be treated as such.

“We may have committed sins against friends and family members. We repentantly pray to you for forgiveness, because these are sins against You, O Devas.” – Rig Veda 1.185.1

The Bavishya Purana says that it is bad action in general that leads to the destruction of families. Devotees are instructed to avoid kinds of actions that would bring harm to the family.  Avoiding bad habits and unhealthy behaviors will keep us safe and be extension our family safe as well.  When making decisions we should think about how they will effect our family.  

"Your father Bibhishana is a great devotoee, and you are the dear son of him, therefore, you should not act in this manner (sinfully) which is the cause of the destruction of family.” –  Bhavishya Purana, All 18 Major Puranas by IGS 

The epic Mahabarata states that it is desire that strays us into actions which harm our families, a desire to follow what could be imagined as "more selfish/harmful" endeavors.  It might be negative materialism, holding a grudge or not keeping our ego in check; but we should not allow trivial desires to get in the way of our relationship with our family.  This probably does not include squelching our overall well being and happiness. 

“When under the influence of desire, they care not for family or father or mother or brother or husband or sons or husband's brother (but pursue the way that desire points out). Verily, in pursuit of what they consider happiness, they destroy the family (to which they belong by birth or marriage) even as many queenly rivers eat away the banks that contain them.” - The Mahabharata, Book 13: Anusasana Parva: Anusasanika Parva: Section XIX

According the the Mahabrata we should not allow disrepute to fall upon our family, especially from strangers who do not know us.  We are told that it is the "good" people who do not tolerate their family to become a mockery. If someone is defaming our family, in good conditions one would think that it would be false and one could stand up for their family because you are sure you are on the side of truth and have nothing to hide. Sometimes, depending on the state of humanity, this might not always be the case, families are not perfect. 

“But the honour of the family is never suffered to be interfered with. If any stranger seeketh to insult the honour of a family, they that are good never tolerate such insult coming from the stranger.” - The Mahabharata, Book 3: Vana Parva: Ghosha-yatra Parva: Section CCXLI

In the Narada Purana we find a passage that describes very ill behavior, a worker named Malini abandons his family and society and escapes to the woods to hunt for animals. Family abandonment is taken seriously in Hinduism. Those who leave their families are often also unfaithful to society in general.  A lack of regard for familyand criminal activity can tend to go hand in hand.  Again, it would be assumed this is a reasonable family and escape is not necessary. 

“In the previous birth, I was a Shudra named Malini and always engaged in appalling activities. One day, I abandoned my family and society and migrated to the forest where I sustained myself on deer's flesh. – Narada Purana, All 18 Major Puranas by IGS

The Mahabarata says that there are some actions that take humans beyond the normal pale of redemption, one of them is to cast off the duties of your station in life, including family and the order of the world. It is suggested that if an elder brother is found of wicked behavior which can bring destruction to his family, or he is being harmful to his siblings, he forfeits his status and share in the family inheritance and is kept in line by the ruling king. Family order comes first, rewards second. 

“There is no expiation for them that cast off the duties and practices of their order and class, country, and family, and that abandon their very creed.” - The Mahabharata, Book 12: Santi Parva: Rajadharmanusasana Parva: Section XXXVII

“If the eldest brother happens to be unendued with sense and wicked in behaviour, he brings about the destruction of the whole family. The eldest brother who injures his younger brothers ceases to be regarded as the eldest and forfeits his share in the family property and deserves to be checked by the king.” - The Mahabharata, Book 13: Anusasana Parva: Section CV

SO WHAT DOES HINDUISM SAY ABOUT FAMILY?

Family is very important and respected in Hinduism, but more importantly it is desired.  To have a large family is viewed as a from of wealth.  Our marriages are meant to be lasting and happy.  We would want a natural desire and love for family and for our family to continue on into the future.  A wise person who loves life would not sin against their family and would treat them with as much respect as they would a higher power. Hindus who want to keep their families together should avoid destructive sins, for these are the agents of family corrosion. Keeping unhealthy desire in check is recommended, for these are the leading cause of situations which harm our family life. We should also avoid anything that would bring our family ill repute and be ready to defend them from false accusation.  Sometimes this can be hard, especially when society is unhealthy, but if we do our best to uphold our family dharma (duty) it is only logical to assume that we will be rewarded somehow in this life, and if you believe, in the next as well.